Ok so yesterday I had a rough rough day. I was having horrible hip pain (which I have been having for the last two months) and sizable amount of pressure and contractions. With the baby only two weeks away I was feeling crappy to say the least. So being the facebook/twitter junkie that I am I posted on my status that I felt the ninth month of pregnancy was overrated. Well the first comment I receive was for a colleague at work saying that perhaps I should remember those people who want to have children and can't and to enjoy it. So I instantly feel like an a-hole and a piece of garbage. I do have friends (mainly co-workers) who have struggled or are struggling with fertility issues. I know the person who posted this has struggled with with getting pregnant. I totally felt like garbage and felt bad about making this comment and striking a nerve with her and possibly other people. Then I started to think.
Not that my comment wouldn't have offended people, but I started to question is facebook the place to remind someone that they might not be being politically correct (for lack of a better word). Yesterday was a tough day for me, if one of my friends (even those who are experiencing infertility) asked me how I was doing, I don't think I would have lied and slapped a smile on my face and pretended I wasn't in horrible pain and still having to work for another week. So now I start to feel guilty for getting annoyed about these comments I made. What can I say I am working mom and have guilt down to a science.
So I am wondering what are your thoughts? Was I totally insensitive? Was the comment uncalled for in response to my complaining? Would you restrict yourself on facebook/twitter because you don't want to offend people?
PS-HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Not that my comment wouldn't have offended people, but I started to question is facebook the place to remind someone that they might not be being politically correct (for lack of a better word). Yesterday was a tough day for me, if one of my friends (even those who are experiencing infertility) asked me how I was doing, I don't think I would have lied and slapped a smile on my face and pretended I wasn't in horrible pain and still having to work for another week. So now I start to feel guilty for getting annoyed about these comments I made. What can I say I am working mom and have guilt down to a science.
So I am wondering what are your thoughts? Was I totally insensitive? Was the comment uncalled for in response to my complaining? Would you restrict yourself on facebook/twitter because you don't want to offend people?
PS-HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY
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I DEFINITELY have to throw my two cents in on this one...
I am an adopted child. My mother and father tried unsuccessfully to have a biological child for 6 years before they adopted me. When I was pregnant (after one miscarriage), I had awful nausea for the first 15 weeks. I mean, sick day and night couldn't eat a thing (except for lemonade, which I drank by teh gallon) nauseas. Anyway, any time I tried to tell my mother how sick I felt, she would quip back, "Maybe you should just be thankful to be pregnant." I got so frustrated with her. I WAS thankful to be pregnant; but just because I was thankful didn't mean I couldn't also be uncomfortable, and it certainly didn't mean I wasn't allowed to voice my discomfort.
So, first of all, I think you are totally entitled to your opinion. Second, I think that person who responded should have kept her comment to herself. Any woman who has been 9 months pregnant knows EXACTLY what you meant.
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
I went through infertility treatments to have my son, and, as much as I was incredibly grateful to be pregnant, I still hated the 9th month. In fact, I pretty much hated everything about being pregnant, except for the end result. I think you have every right to moan and groan. Pregnancy is tough. It doesn't mean you're an insensitive A-hole, and it takes nothing away from the fact that there are people out there who would love to be able to moan and groan, themselves. Hang in there!
This sort of thing REALLY bothers me, and I actually almost commented on your FB saying so, but I didn't want to start Drama so I was good and sat on my hands. :-) I think that we are all allowed to complain about whatever we want to complain about. A big example of this that comes up for me a lot: I make some complaint about my job. Someone invariably jumps in and says "well, at least you have a job!" Or I remember when I made some complaint once about having to do some expensive house repairs and got -- you guessed it -- "well, at least you own a house!" It's ridiculous.
I have decided, though, that the next time someone makes a comment like that to me, I *am* going to call them out on it. For the record, I think that the commenter totally should have kept it to herself.
I think you are totally right Erica... your feelings are an expression of how you are experiencing a moment at that time, you are never required to think of all possible alternatives at a given moment. Of course you are greatful for the experience, and of course you are happy to be having a healthy baby... but I think it is important to be honest about how you are feeling. I think you're response was very generous and calming. You DO NOT have to lie about how wonderful you are feeling simply because someone else wishes they were in that position.