I don't think I actually have any real resolutions this year.  You know smart goals of I will do X thing in this time.  I decided that after a year of being in mourning and trying to find my bearings...more survive then anything else.  That this year would be the year I take care of me.  I don't mean this in a selfish all about me all the time....I mean doing the things that I need to for me to be the best version of myself I can be.  

For that to happen I am really going to focus on getting healthy.  For me that is obviously the commitment to weight watchers (I lost the weight I put on over the holidays this week and was very happy with that).  It means exercising regularly because it helps center me and makes me feel better.  It means getting enough sleep and taking naps on the weekend if needed.  It means doing things that I enjoy and time for myself.  

I bought myself a lovely workbook to worth through my goals and desires to work on.  I have a journal for all my food stuff.  I am trying to blog more.  I am trying to do things that bring me happiness.  Sometimes that is stuff with my kids.  Sometimes that is stuff with friends or with Ryan without the kids.  Sometimes that is being alone.   As much as I love and need to be around people as an only child you often forget how used you are to being quiet and having time by yourself.  Since I have had kids that time has been non existent that is why I take the worlds longest showers-to enjoy the quiet.

I feel that sometimes towards the end of summer and I felt it again over Christmas break that I really have lost part of me.  I think its more than a working mom feeling overwhelmed lost part of me.  I think it loosing part of my identity when I lost my dad.  Almost if I lost a huge part of my life that anchored me-centered me.  I hate to sound cliche as shit but I feel this need to reinvent who I am.  Or maybe less then that.  Figure out this new me-this mom of two growing kids, a teacher in an ever demanding and sometimes heartbreaking job that is so different then it was 10 years ago, a wife in her 30's not a idealistic newlywed of 24, and a daddy's girl without her daddy.  

So I decided that this year is going to be about me.  Taking time for me....allowing myself to discover or rediscover the things that bring me happiness and joy.  So I hope that all of you my readers and the people in my real life who read this have a joyful new year.  That you find yourself spending this year in more happiness then darkness.....oh and that maybe you win that powerball that is now up to a Billion dollars (and if you win remember me people)