I can't believe its been so long since I have written a post.  Life has been good and complicated and not so good at the moment.  In terms of my healthy journey I am doing well-I have lost almost ten pounds since Janurary.  I know that doesn't seem like much but I am feeling a little bit more in control then I have before. I even gave up sweets for lent and despite a fall "off the lentin wagon" on my hubs bday I haven't really eaten any sweets or candy.  

My own journey with grief etc actually has been going really really well.  I have been doing ok but the kids have been having a rough time.  I will save that for another post.

Right now I am struggling to live in the moment.  We have a lot of credit card debt...not the unpayable kind just a lot more than I would like and the kind that makes me hate to have it.  The debt means we can't get a different house, it makes me feel like a failure financially.  I have a plan moving forward but right now it seems to cause me a ton of anxiety.  I know that debt is part of American culture but I hate it.  Part of it is piss poor spending habits on our part.  Always wanting more then what we have.  Always thinking I need to keep up with the joneses.  I hate that I can't take my kids on a big expensive disney vacation.  I hate that I can't do those things till this debt is gone.  I hate that I keep paying and paying and paying but then some major shit storm of finances hits and all the progress I made just goes right back on that stupid piece of plastic.  I know I need to tighten the belt but I hate doing that.  

But back to the living in the moment.  If my dad's death has taught my anything-it is that you don't know when your time is up.  Why spend your last few days worrying about money.  I know that eventually that debt will be paid off...someday and there is no sense in spending hours worrying about it.  As long as I am paying it off slowly and steadily we will get there.  Not maybe in the time frame I would like but eventually.  

So right now things are up and down...but mostly ok