One of things that I have been working very hard on in therapy and on my own for months now is to stop caring so much about what other people think of me. To be confident in who I am an the choices that I make. As easy as this sounds, it is hard. This is clearly something I should have done when I was a teenager but I was to busy pretending to be happy all the time that I never did the growing up that most women do in their teens and 20's. So now I have been taking my time trying to realize that the only opinion that matters is my own. As I am starting to get away from the constant need to be in people's good graces, to be liked by everyone, to be everyone friends. I feel like I am seeing the world for the first time. I feel like I am opening my eyes for the first time.
Sadly, there are times that now my eyes are open I am not always liking what I see. What I am starting to find out is the people who I cared so much about what they thought of me. The people who I spent time obsessing about, analyzing conversations, hoping that I didn't upset them etc...I am finding that they are not always the greatest of people. I don't mean that these people are awful individuals, that is not what I mean. What I mean is that maybe they aren't as nice as I thought, maybe they aren't nice to others (which for me is a huge thing), or maybe they are selfish or self centered beyond all belief. I have started to see that those who I spent so much time caring about are people who should not be getting my time and attention. They don't deserve it. Not to say that I need to cut out all these people in my life, I am just saying that these people who I have spent time caring about their opinion of me...well frankly they are in no place to judge me. Also, if I am being honest I am in no place to judge them. I am just saying that when I look at people without seeking their approval I see them in a different light...perhaps the light they should have always been cast in. Needless to say all this self work is an eye opening experience.
Sadly, there are times that now my eyes are open I am not always liking what I see. What I am starting to find out is the people who I cared so much about what they thought of me. The people who I spent time obsessing about, analyzing conversations, hoping that I didn't upset them etc...I am finding that they are not always the greatest of people. I don't mean that these people are awful individuals, that is not what I mean. What I mean is that maybe they aren't as nice as I thought, maybe they aren't nice to others (which for me is a huge thing), or maybe they are selfish or self centered beyond all belief. I have started to see that those who I spent so much time caring about are people who should not be getting my time and attention. They don't deserve it. Not to say that I need to cut out all these people in my life, I am just saying that these people who I have spent time caring about their opinion of me...well frankly they are in no place to judge me. Also, if I am being honest I am in no place to judge them. I am just saying that when I look at people without seeking their approval I see them in a different light...perhaps the light they should have always been cast in. Needless to say all this self work is an eye opening experience.
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It's so hard to let going of caring what other people think of you. I'm still working on that myself.
As an aside, HOW did we let the entire summer go by without getting together???? Good god.
I know right...its that kid business gets in the way of socializing. I am bummed we aren't even having our halloween party this year because Ry has class. After your walk maybe we can get together for a play date, either adult or otherwise