Ok so I have always decided that since this is my safe place and that I can talk about anything I am going to.  I have made loose reference to my recent weight gain.  It isn't horrific but I currently weight more than I have in about two years.  As of about a week or so  ago the scale was at 236.  I hate even typing it.  I feel anxiety while putting it up on the page.  I hate it I really do. Yet there is part of me that wants to not care about it. It is a number.  Just that. It isn't a judgment about me.  It doesn't say if I am a good or bad person.  It is a number.  It is a number that I need to make smaller for my health of course.  Yet, often I do let that number define me and I shouldn't.


It is a fucking number..that is all.  Nothing other than that.  One small (or large in my case) measurement of my overall healthy.  That number ran a 5k….I know people 100 pounds thinner than me that couldn't do that.

That said, I need that number to get smaller-I just do.  So I have been working on that and am glad to report that those numbers are heading in the right direction.  Even if they don't I need to work on that being ok.  That is another post for another day.

To all of you struggling with a number…..don't let that be who you are.   It is nothing more than a number.