So as I am trying to really work the fitness aspect of my journey-I know that I really need to eat better and when I eat better I feel better.  For me that means very low carbs but still good hearty food.  This year I have had an over abundance of zucchini in my garden and sometimes the plants get crazy.  Since I had a few larger zucchinis I decided to make Mexican Stuffed Zucchini boats based on a this recipe from Skinny Taste.  

Ingredient List

-2 Pounds Ground meat (I used half grass feed beef and half ground turkey)

-Two 14oz cans of tomatoes

-Chopped peppers-I used what I had left in my fridge-about 1 cup

-One package of mushrooms

-Chili Powder, Cumin, Fresh Garlic or Garlic Garlic 

-Jar of Salsa of your choice

-One cup of Shredded Cheese of my Choice

-Zucchini for stuffing-for me that was the giant one from the garden

Step One-Brown the Meat.  I chose not to drain mine because there was not a lot of fat in the beef I was using.

Step Four:  While the veggies are cooking down-Cut the zucchini in half and scoop out the insides.  Personally I just take those insides and add them back into the pot.  With the giant ones from the garden the seeds are fairly large so I just scoop and toss.  With smaller ones I just use the insides.  

Step Seven-Bake the Zucchini until the boats are tender and cheese is good and melty 

Hope you like this recipe-for me its a good family recipe that is low in carbs and easy to whip up on a weeknight!

 So I was going strong with me for several weeks.  Well until the tragic stabbing that I mentioned in my last post.  I was going strong-going out in the bad weather, the cold, and the good weather too,  The dogs were loving it it big time-one mile walks every day.  I was loving it.  So I tried to get back into a few days after the stiches but I honestly gave up.  All in all I did about 222 miles in the month and I am proud of that.  I also signed on with a new fitness venture that I will talk about later.  I am both proud and upset about how it turned out.  I promised myself I wouldn't beat myself up over what happened.  I did realize that I like getting outside even in the cold.  To clear my head take a few minutes outside.  I don't know that I would make a big statement to say I will do it every day but I am going to try and get outside when I can.  I also really want to try running again....no time line on that I just want to get back to it.  Maybe this summer for a 5k in the fall again.  We will see.  Did you have any big January goals that didn't go as well as I planned?  

So every year I set lofty goals for myself but never really do much with that...but shit I am an optimist so why hell not!  Just kidding.....well not really I really feel that need to set some good goals for myself and actually work on achieving them.  Part of my reason for this is in the last few months although my anxiety is high I have sort of felt the fog of grief starting to lift.  My therapist who I worked with right after my dad died said her patients often comment that with grief they feel like they are walking around half asleep for months or even years as they figure out this new life without the person they love.  For me it was sort of this double whammy of loosing my dad, my kids loosing their hero, and having to grow up all at once. It was and still is a lot.  But lately I have been noticing that I am not as shell shocked.  I can talk about my dad and not have it crush me, the holidays were not as devestatingly sad.  I am also realizing that I have put a few things on the back burner for these last two years.  A lot of that is myself care and taking good care of me, of taking time with my husband and realizing that he is more than that guy who lives in the house, and taking time to cultivate relationships other than my family.  I think it was hard for me and my heart to even interact with people-sometimes it still is.  As if pleasure and joy sometimes were too much.  Happiness was too much.  Frankly I wanted to be sad and pissed off and angry and miserable.  Sometimes I still do.  Yet, I realized I need to work on not letting myself and my life get sucked in to that not good place.  There is too much beauty and joy to just be existing to just be getting by.  That is what I have really felt for the last two years....that I was surviving.  I say it like its a horrible thing....its not.  I survived, my kids survived, for the most part my relationships survived.  I know I have been harder to be around, harder to love, harder to like.  I am harsher and more critical.  My best qualities of being funny, and kind, and joyful have been muted and often still are.  Shout out to my friends and especially Ryan for patiently hanging on during this wild ride I have been on.  I often realized at the end of the day I was too tired from "surviving" to give my friends or my husband much of anything (I also know this is a problem of all mothers).  I know that in friendship and certainly in marriage there are ebbs and flows-that doesn't make them easy.  I know for Ryan it has been hard to see me like this and not really "fix" what was wrong all while trying to maintain his own mental health.  He, like most people who struggle with mental illness,  have a hard time being around others who are mentally unwell.  He has stood by as I sorted out how to move forward in this new dadless world I was thrown into.

So anywho...enough musings on where I have been.  I want to think about the future.  I know some people are concerned with what will happen with our government in the upcoming year. For me I choose to bring light into the world first with my own family and then in my classroom.  I will worry about the US and the World when I need to.  

So my goals for 2017

1.  I need to get my eating and weight in check.  I plan to head to my dr to talk about on going stomach issues and request to see a dietician for that and help with my eating.  My goal is 52 pounds by Dec 31 of next year.  More than that I just to be eating better so I am not sick all the time

2.  I want to commit to a bit of self care everyday.   That means exercising, or meditation, or journaling at least 20min every day.  I need it for my mental health and I need it to continue to be a good mom and wife

3.  I want to do one family adventure with kids every month that doesn't not involve screens.  So although I have loved our movie binge of the last few weeks I want non-screen fun with the family

4.  I want to walk or jog a total of 217 miles this year

5.  I want to make at least 5 quilts this year-at least one for me to keep

6.  I want to do one thing for me each month.  Go out with a friend, go out alone, something that is just for me.  

7.  I want to do something special with Ryan once a month....either a date night or something fun once the kids go to bed....no this isn't secret code for anything.  I just feel like our relationship has taken a back burner to everything and some day its just going to be the two of us and I would still like to make sure we like each other when that happens.  

I am hoping to get back into blogging a bit more and keep track of these goals....I think as the goals slip from my mind then they get forgotten.  So I am hoping for a good 2017-How about you?  What are you goals for the year? 

So I have been away from this place-my place for a long time.  Somtimes that is because I am busy, sometimes its because I don't have much to talk about, sometimes is because I don't know what to say.  The last few months have been busy being a mom, taking the kids to activities, and doing all the things that come with being a teacher and a wife.  The two year anniversary of my dad's death came and went and although I thought I was ok...I am starting to realize that maybe I wasn't as good as I thought.  From Mid October till now with all the holidays are stressful for most people but add to this my navigating these holidays and milestones without my dad is an odd thing.  I have found that this holiday season...the third one....has been a lot easier.  I was able to handle the ebb and flow of the emotions a bit better but this year more than the others the kids have really been missing my dad which takes on a whole new special kind of hard.  What I started to realize a few weeks ago was that I was experiencing a lot of anxiety.  For me it comes on fixating on things.  Silly things. Most often that anxiety comes with worrying over money or questioning myself.  What I noticed was it was getting worse. I started worrying about the cracks in the floor-that there was something wrong with our house.  I started to obsess over health related stuff.  Silly stuff like there was something wrong with that I hadn't gotten my period in months-The normal explanation was that its the pill im on....my brain on anxiety---I am totally pregnant with a miracle baby (I am on the pill for my cycle and Ryan had the snip snip years ago).  I question why someone doesn't text....are they mad at me, do they not like me, is our friendship ending.  Really reason everyone is busy with their shit!  

I hate that I get this way.  I hate how I get upset over things that don't need to be upset over. Rather than come up with new things to do or think about....I am stewing over and over again over the same crap. I know this is anxiety.  I tried doing a hypnosis for anxiety-that seemed to work but then I stopped doing it.  I think I need to try again.    I also think I need to begin exercising more....or lets be real at all.  I know in theory that these things should help but sometimes I am so exhuasted from work and the kids that all I can do is be a blob. Being that blob has taken its toll.  I am not really any where close to my health goals and that makes me sad.  I am sad that I allow my brain and this anxiety to get the best of me.  I think what I hate the most is that it makes me doubt myself, my healthy, my happiness, and my relationships with others.  I am always questioning and worrying and then I wonder why I got so sick right before Christmas.  I am stressing myself out for no reason.  

I think that my goal for the New Year is going to be try and be more calm in the upcoming weeks. I will try and take better care of myself.  I also decided that if this doesn't settle down in the next few weeks that I will probably ask my doctor about it because normally my anxiety isn't this bad for that long.  One little step at a time towards health is my goal.  What are your goals for the upcoming year? 

A few weeks ago I was contacted by the people over at Greek God's asking if I wanted to try out one of their new products-Greek yogurt with Chia.  I of course said yes-both Miss J and I love yogurt and add in Chia seeds for adding saying power why not.  

Now on the new Weight Watchers Smart Points program yogurts have gone up in points values so I was a little concerned about that but each yogurt was worth 5pts.  Now that is a lot for a snack-but considering it has 12G of protein in every cup it might be a good snack at work.  

As I have mentioned I am lactose intolerant but I can usually do Greek Yogurt-it contains less lactose.  According to the people at The Greek Gods each cup contains 120 calories, 12g of Protein, its high in calcium, Gluten free, no rBS and rBGH in the dairy, and it has fruit on the bottom.  They are retailing for 1.59-1.79 a cup.   Flavors currently are Strawberry, Peach, Blackberry, and Vanilla.

 So far these have passed the Josie test she really enjoyed them.  For me-they have been a great snack that has kept me full for hours.  I know for a lot of people on weight watchers and those watching their sugar this is not an ideal snack but with the amount of protein that you get I think that means its totally worth it!  

Check out more details here or pick some up at your local store.  

I AM HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THE BLOG-YOU EITHER NEED TO GO FULL WEBSITE IF YOU ARE MOBILE TO COMMENT OR EMAIL ME YOUR COMMENT AND I WILL POST IT.  SORRY FOR ANY ISSUES!  

I was approached by the Mamma Chia company a few months ago and was asked if I wanted to try their Granola and other chia products and do a giveway on my blog.  I heard the word giveaway and said yes...but I was still a little nervous I love granola and sometimes things made with Chia are.....well they can taste like I am licking a chia pet!

When my granola came I was first impressed with the selection of flavors. A lot of healthier granola's don't have many options for flavors.  I recieved Wild Blueberry, Vanilla Almond, and Cinnamon Pecan.  I immediatly went for the Wild Blue berry.  I made a lactose free yogurt and granola parfiat.  It was amazing.  The chunks of granola were great either to eat as a cereal or as a tasty snack.  Over the next two weeks I also tried the other two flavors.  The blueberry still remained my favorite but the others were also really good.

Now here is the deal with the granola-It has 10 grams of protein so its stuper filling, 5 grams of fiber to keep things moving, and no soy or dairy.  Also in terms of granola the calorie and fat content were not bad.  In fact it was only 3 points per serving which is low for granola in terms of weight watchers.  The product is also organic!!!  My only critque of the product is this...if you love buttery granola the kind that is like 1000 calories per quarter cup...this is not that granola.  It is a great healthier option.  It is sweet without being over poweringly sweet.  It has amazing crunch-even in milk.  It doesn't have what I call the bark taste either.  We all know super healthy cereal sometimes tastes like we are eating friggin tree bark....none of that here.   

Mamma Chia also has two new products Chia Squeezes which are like apple sauce pouches for adults and Mamma Chia drinks.  I was give several coupons to try them but I haven't made my way to whole foods yet to try them (I will review them when I do).  But I didn't want to wait any longer to get this giveaway going.

The folks over at Mamma Chia wanted to get the word out about their amazing products so they are offering a Super Chia Package for one of my readers to try!!!

One of my readers will win the exact amazing package from Mamma Chia I did.  The Winner will receive the following:

One Variety Pack of Organic Chia Granola Clusters (one of each of the 3 flavors)

7 Chia Squeeze Vouchers

7 Vitality Beverage Vouchers

So if you want to be entered to win...comment below.  Contest will run from July 27-August 3.  Tell which product you would want to try most.   Also stop by the Mamma Chia website for all their amazing products!  

Today is my first father's day in the 2.0 version.  Most new versions of operating systems of technology are newer better editions.  Well my 2.0 isn't better....its sort of this odd new shitty version.  

What can I say....I miss my dad.  I loved my dad and he loved me and my kids with a fierceness I can't even begin to comprehend.  Its very hard not to get sucked into the darkness of not having my dad here.  Yet, I won't indulge myself in a more than a minute or two of sadness.  That is my present to my dad.  He would never want me to be sad or devastated.  He would insist he wasn't worth those tears.  I also promised myself and my kids and my dad on the day he died that I wouldn't let this ruin me.  That I would use his death to help inspire me to get healthy.  I have been in survival mode and haven't been attending to myself.  So my gift to him won't be tears...it will be the motivation I need to get myself moving back to a healthy heart and mind.

So to my dad....You were the greatest dad a girl could ask for-Happy Father's Day.  I love you, I miss you, and I will every day of my life.  

So as you can imagine I am sort of over 2014.  I stumbled across and amazing website called The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans .  I have read stuff by them before here and there but I really fell in love with what they were gearing up for the new year.  They are reading a great book that I am reading now called 52 small changes. 

  (Click on link-It is free for Prime Members-Which is a great deal in my mind)-Where you focus on one change a day for 52 weeks so you are not overwhelmed by change, they are doing an instragm piture a day based on this, and they also suggested rather than a resolution or goal for your 2015 that you pick one word.

You all know I love to talk so that was hard to think about just one word.  I think my word for 2014 might be F-You (oh wait that is two words).  Maybe I will write about my holiday and new years...but maybe I need to move on too...who know.

Anywho....one word for 2015.   I always make resolutions and either don't achieve them or break them quickly.  So I thought long and hard about my word.  At first the word was SURVIVE.  With vacation and the holidays happening right after my father's death I figured I felt that is what I have been doing.  Then I realized I don't want to just survive-that is not what this word is about.  This word is what I want to use to inspire me.  I wanted a word that would help me both in my physical and mental journey I want and need to take this year.  So I finally figured out what my word would be....what I needed most these past few month and will continue to need....STRENGTH

I need STRENGTH to continue on in my journey of living without my dad, I need STRENGTH to put the mental energy into loosing weight.  I need STRENGTH to accomplish my fitness Goal for 2015.  So this years word is STRENGTH.  I plan to use that to help me when I am feeling like I want to give up.  

So what are your thoughts on a one word Mantra for the New Year.  What would your's be?