So Friday it happened...it has been brewing for a week or so.....I lost my shit at work! Although I want to talk about it here, I often don't and should. I have been working really hard with my Dr. to deal with my eating issues (lets call it what it is an eating disorder). For years I have been starving myself and binge eating more binging then starving. As I am dealing with these issues it has left me feeling raw, overly sensitive, and very very emotional. You take away the one thing that helped me keep my emotions locked away and you throw in a horrible week at work it leads to a loss of shit on my part. It doesn't really matter what it was over (I was sick of doing other people's job and told my boss they should be doing there) and I got fired up at one of my many bosses at school, he called me out on it, and I got so angry I started to cry. Those huge angry tears, the ones that no matter how hard you try to stop them, they come anyways. I know I shouldn't have been but I was horribly embarrassed at my lack of control. I know. I know I showed that I was human..god the horror. But for me who has spent years and years covering up my emotions, pretending to be ok when I am not, to show my coworkers that I was really upset was a very hard thing for me. Even today as some of them check in on me to see that I am ok it hard not to be embarrassed but I know that this is part of my growth. Learning how to experience emotion and process it in a healthy way. Maybe I needed this loss of shit moment to help me on my journey of figuring out who I am!
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I wanted to say I admire you for opening up about it- plus I have been talking about you to my family and friends, about how good I think it is that you have set non-food goals for yourself. I haven't been able to do that yet, 1) can't think of anything I want, 2) all my goals seem to be food related which is not healthy. So thank you for setting a good example for me to think about!
Every one needs to blow there top once in a while it helps us deal with things better. Just hold your head up and say to your self that you spoke your mind. Thanks for your support on my blog and keep up the good work.