So as I said in my last post I said I wasn't buried under a pile of papers...well not yet at least. The start of the school year has been a lot to take in. This year my school went with a new schedule which is modified block (that means some days my classes meet for 44 min the other days they meet for 86). The also allows for a daily meeting with other teachers to work on new state mandates. In addition we have changed the levels from AP/Honor 1, 2, 3, (three being the lowest) to AP, Honors, and Academic which means all new classes because the students in the classes now have different abilities. At the end of last year I chose to go back to teaching the lowest level classes (I always had taught the lowest level until about three years ago). Well since then there have been a lot of changes included a lot more needy children in our district along with full inclusion classrooms. This has been a very hard adjustment. Not anything I can't handle and I already love my students but it is overwhelming when almost half the class has learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, physical disabilities that impair their learning, or students who are just learning the English language. I also have some students who have such challenging disabilities they are non-verbal. Yet, because of the new state standards for teacher evaluations part of my job is based on whether or not I can have these kids do better on a standardized test from the beginning of the year to the end. It is scary...it doesn't mean I hate my students or their needs, it is just overwhelming.
Its overwhelming to know that a large portion of my yearly evaluation is now based on student performance. I know I am a good teacher, I know that I work hard and my students learn, its just now they are tested in a manner that I don't agree with. There are kids in my room now matter how much they try will never do well on this writing and reading test (PS I teach history and they aren't tested on history they are tested on reading and writing skills-that is whole other post it self). I hate having to care about this. I want to care about my subject matter, I want to care about bringing history alive for my students in a way that reaches all my students regardless of ability level. Yet, reality is I have to care and that is overwhelming.
Its also overwhelming in the amount of need my students have. I want them all to be successful and they all need such different things. I no lie have a special education teacher making me a chart to organize the accommodations that each student gets so I don't forget anyone's accommodations. It is overwhelming because I am passionate about what I do. I want every student to be successful in my room and I am willing to do whatever it takes to try and make that happen but when in my smallest class a minimum of ten students have to get special services I worry I am going to forget to do something for a kid and I would feel awful. I know this will all be fine in a few more weeks when I get to know my students better and their needs and their educational preferences but right now it is overwhelming even when I have my smallest amount of students ever at just over 80.
So because I have been so overwhelmed with work, keeping up with all my new responsibilities and requirements for the teacher evaluation program, and getting prepared for these new classes it has left me emotionally drained. To the point of tears some days I am so tired. Add in a 6 year old with anxiety who has trouble sleeping at night and that makes for one mom who is unmotivated to do anything more than her job as a mom and teacher. That has pushed aside any desire to exercise or continue to train for my 5k. This makes me sad because I was on schedule for my Oct 19th Penguin run. I am going to try and still get there but it is hard to focus on anything else right now. In fact I have so many amazing books and products to review but I cant even think about those yet.
Yet, I realized that if I am going to take care of my kids and my students I have to start taking care of me. It isn't that I have been eating bad I haven't its just lack of exercise. So I decided a schedule is daunting so my plan is this. I have signed up for the Mamavation 2 week challenge which I plan to do every day and I want to get out and jog when the weather is nice enough and we have time in the family schedule for me to get out there. Realistically some days it may be one or the other and I am ok with that. I just need to get back to having at least 30min a day for me and that me times need to be fitness.
Hey readers, thanks for hanging in there with me. It has been a wild ride with the start of school-one I truly wasn't expecting. Thanks for hanging in and your support!
Its overwhelming to know that a large portion of my yearly evaluation is now based on student performance. I know I am a good teacher, I know that I work hard and my students learn, its just now they are tested in a manner that I don't agree with. There are kids in my room now matter how much they try will never do well on this writing and reading test (PS I teach history and they aren't tested on history they are tested on reading and writing skills-that is whole other post it self). I hate having to care about this. I want to care about my subject matter, I want to care about bringing history alive for my students in a way that reaches all my students regardless of ability level. Yet, reality is I have to care and that is overwhelming.
Its also overwhelming in the amount of need my students have. I want them all to be successful and they all need such different things. I no lie have a special education teacher making me a chart to organize the accommodations that each student gets so I don't forget anyone's accommodations. It is overwhelming because I am passionate about what I do. I want every student to be successful in my room and I am willing to do whatever it takes to try and make that happen but when in my smallest class a minimum of ten students have to get special services I worry I am going to forget to do something for a kid and I would feel awful. I know this will all be fine in a few more weeks when I get to know my students better and their needs and their educational preferences but right now it is overwhelming even when I have my smallest amount of students ever at just over 80.
So because I have been so overwhelmed with work, keeping up with all my new responsibilities and requirements for the teacher evaluation program, and getting prepared for these new classes it has left me emotionally drained. To the point of tears some days I am so tired. Add in a 6 year old with anxiety who has trouble sleeping at night and that makes for one mom who is unmotivated to do anything more than her job as a mom and teacher. That has pushed aside any desire to exercise or continue to train for my 5k. This makes me sad because I was on schedule for my Oct 19th Penguin run. I am going to try and still get there but it is hard to focus on anything else right now. In fact I have so many amazing books and products to review but I cant even think about those yet.
Yet, I realized that if I am going to take care of my kids and my students I have to start taking care of me. It isn't that I have been eating bad I haven't its just lack of exercise. So I decided a schedule is daunting so my plan is this. I have signed up for the Mamavation 2 week challenge which I plan to do every day and I want to get out and jog when the weather is nice enough and we have time in the family schedule for me to get out there. Realistically some days it may be one or the other and I am ok with that. I just need to get back to having at least 30min a day for me and that me times need to be fitness.
Hey readers, thanks for hanging in there with me. It has been a wild ride with the start of school-one I truly wasn't expecting. Thanks for hanging in and your support!
Labels:
Mamavation,
Mamavation Monday,
School Drama,
Weekly Update,
Weight Loss Journey,
Weight Watchers
|
Beginning of school is crazy (plus APPR is ridiculous!). Stick with your plan as best you can but don't beat yourself up if you have to miss one day. As all good WW people know, if you have a slip, just get back on track as soon as you can! I'm feeling your stress!